Love Mommy

Sydney,

I see myself so much in you. Not just in your curls that have turned to wavy locks. But in the fact that you have this big personality at home and then you quiet it for a crowd; whether that be at school or a party, or church on Sundays. Some are amazed we describe you as our wild one, but no one knows you like us at home. And I think I kinda love it that way. The true Sydney is wild and my little fighter. Nothing keeps you down. You have a way all your own, and even if that sometimes means your doing your own thing alone you don't mind too much. You hate the camera for the most part, so unlike your sisters you just shy up and would rather not show off. You don't feel any need for anyone's approval, which I kinda love! Sometimes it makes life difficult though with your siblings because you just can't follow them around and be happy. You speak your mind and want it your way, at least at home. I know as you've struggled a bit with preschool it has come out extra at home, probably because you bottle it all up at school and it all gets a bit exhausting. But I am so proud of you and your inner strength that gives you a vivid imagination and ultra unique sense of style. 

At times you make me a little crazy with all the whining and I won't lie here, you are our biggest whiner ever! It is like nails on a chalkboard to me and drives me to madness. I wish you could always be happy, fortunately you are pretty easy to make laugh and smile. So usually if I have enough patience (which I am working harder at everyday), I can find a solution pretty quick that will fix your broken heart. Your also the biggest teaser ever and you know just how to tease me and it drives me nuts most of the time. But I try to appreciate that side of you too, I know you get it from Daddy and he is SO proud! 

As much as you love to give a little smirk and pull one over on someone. You hate to see your siblings upset and will do almost anything to make them happy even if it means giving something up of your own. But it has to be you, when I let you make the decision, then within seconds the problem is fixed instead of me having to battle it out. Sometimes I don't think it is always fair for you to always give in but your love for them is such a blessing and it makes me melt watching you admire Bella and Connor. I pray and hope that they see that influence they have on you and grow to appreciate it as well. You have Kindergarten around the corner and I wonder if that will be the chance; if with your start they will take the chance to show you that love and protection that you desire and yearn for from them. Honestly I see little spurts of it already as Con and Bell see you grow and become one of the big kids already. I see how much you want to keep up with them. I just can't help but want to keep you little and keep you safe in my arms. 

Love,

Mommy

Love Mommy

Piper,

I am amazed your growing so fast. It is funny though how many times you're mistaken for younger than you are; because of your lack of hair and small little frame, and your desire to love on anyone younger. Because in truth your really becoming a "person", the baby mode is officially fading and your personality is shining through as your find your own voice and your own love for life.

You are truly a sunbeam in our home and your sweet little smile seems to lighten all our loads. You are one of Mommy and Daddy's biggest helpers and are always the first one to chime in when someone asks. It is such a blessing to have you be such an example to your older siblings. Your the best, happiest playmate and willing to tag along and no one can say no to including you. You somehow unite them and your touch softens them despite their battles. I don't know how you do it, and it may not last forever but I thank you for it. 

I have always felt this amazing bond with you, ever since birth. I connected to you like no other child. And despite the sleepless nights I just couldn't be mad. I just was in awe of you and still am. You have this knack of getting your way and I know it can't last forever... although I am still convincing Daddy of that fact. You have the best pouty face ever, seriously I don't know how you melt us so well. Bedtime is what comes right to mind, it is a bit of a struggle and I don't see it getting better real soon (partly because Daddy says he sleeps better snuggling with you... I'll try not to be jealous). But even I struggle when your whimper and fat lip greet me in the dead of night or when I so slightly feel your warm little body shimmy its way between Mommy and Daddy in the wee hours of morning, trying your hardest not to be spotted. 

You also somehow know the desires of our family and are baby obsessed and are the best little mama as you dress up and play; it makes me never want to stop adding to this family of ours, no matter the struggles we have. Especially when your tender little heart is there to wipe my tears and to pat my back and whisper in my ear, "Why you crying Mama?" Some days I feel like I fail you and your sisters and brother, but your smile reminds me over and over again that I must be doing something right. I am so grateful for your constant joy and your love for everything around you. It makes life so much easier and reminds me daily to have joy in the journey.

Love,

Mommy

Love Mommy

Dear Con,

April 2017

Guilt tripped you into snuggling with me and watching my baking show instead of playing games tonight. Mom win! I love how much you love your Mama and want me all to yourself even if that means watching Mom's shows. Extra snuggles and kisses for you!

Lately you have started getting a little tired of that nickname but ... too bad it just is you. You are my Con Man. And I don't think I can give the name up. But it is not just a name it seems you are getting older in all sorts of aspects. There are so many great things that make up who you are, and I just feel honored that I get to be your Mom, forever.
One indistinguishable Connor trait is you are loud; our home has a whole new volume when schools out and Connors home. You give everyone this intense excitement that usually results in shouting and cries of war. 
Connor you are a comedian; you love to entertain and make people laugh with slapstick and potty humor mostly and when we get you in a really good slaphappy mood you crack even us up with laughter as you make faces and just relax a little from your usual more tense self. I won't lie we are trying to step away from the potty humor you so love but also feel a little bad that you don't have a brother to be silly with all the time. Luckily your sisters laugh along no matter what, and in their eyes you are always the funniest there is. 
You are intense; your emotions are fierce. When your mad you stomp, and scream and slam doors and throw yourself around in a heap. And when your excited you literally are jumping, chasing and bursting with joy. I love it, but in truth it is a lot some days and I don't always keep my cool and I wish I could take back all the times I've lost it. But I do try hard to always apologize and let you know, "Okay crazy Mom is gone can we talk now." I guess maybe a little of that intensity that I see in you, I have in me and for some reason I can't handle it, what a hypocrite I am. I will try to be better. I know these years where you easily forgive and we can hug it out are fleeting and I try hard to relish in them when I can.  
Connor you are vulnerable; you would hate for me to say this but your are at the unmistakable age where you have to watch who's watching before you do anything, just to make sure you don't embarrass yourself. You love to makes things especially for, Daddy, and you linger on his every word. You will even mention to me, "I don't think Dad liked that" or maybe "Dad doesn't want this...", if Dad's reaction isn't BIG enough. I am overly enthusiastic sometimes and that makes it stiff competition for Daddy, every now and then I have to remind him, and give him a heads up that this or that is really important even if it's just a glass of water you bring him. You have this enormous heart and you are exactly the big brother I always wanted you to be, protective and kind and loving and fun and happy. You get proud of your sisters like we do and you get sad when they don't want your constant attention. Especially Piper lately. It hurts you a little when I remind you that she needs space sometimes and the thousands of kisses and squeezes you want to give her when you come home need to be contained. I need my space sometimes too and it literally breaks your heart, I can see it in your puppy dog eyes that turn away when I say I don't really want to snuggle; and that is why I always try to quickly turn right back around and say "Okay come here." My favorite moments are the ones that make me melt. The little moments that turn big in an instant. The running in to give me a kiss and the pat on the leg as you stop to say "I really love you Mom." Or even the moments where you randomly say "You look pretty Mom." They sure make me smile in a way only you can. 
And Connor I hope you know you are SMART! School has been a little rough as we both know but man oh man I know you are working so HARD! You TRY! And honestly that is all this mama will ever ask for. I believe in you and I see you make big leaps and I love watching the wheels turn and you just get it, or you bringing home something and being so proud to show me. I hope things get easier for both of us on the academic front soon, but I hope you will always remember and know that you are smart and can do anything you put your mind too. Summer has been a nice break and as scary as it is to watch you fear a little for school to start I know you are going to do great. Because you always do. No matter what grades and teachers say; I know you are pushed in ways I wish so badly you weren't and pushed so far it is easier to just give up and say "I can't I'm not smart enough I'm dumb I'm stupid." But never let little things stop you, you are my Connor and I truly am amazed by you. And all you do. Keep trying, keep working and never give up; and then life will open in ways you've never imagined. 
I can't fathom a life without my Connor you teach me SO much. And make me feel SO loved. There are stumbles along the way, sure. But I just am so grateful. Connor, you and I are tight right now. It's been a good year, and we have gotten really good at this mother and son thing and honestly as I write this in bed (many months in the making), my eyes fill with big, fat tears; because I know this great big heart of yours is growing and as it grows your mama love will change. I hope it stays strong forever but I know it will get embarrassed and too old for snuggles and kisses and whispered I love you's as I pass. And it makes my mama heart break. Daddy says your too big to carry upstairs after you fall asleep anymore but I refuse to believe him and I will do it till you tell me I can’t anymore. So for now I will relish in these moments that are mine to keep. 

I do hope for that big heart of yours, Connor, to grow. And I wish for nothing more than that it to lead you throughout life because it will make you strong. Let it guide you to do right always.

Love, 

Mommy 

Love Mommy

Dear Sydney Maeter,

I don't know if it is something about being the third, or being two, or just that your crazy! But I love you despite all the battles of independence and patience we're going through right now, your teaching me a heck of a lot. Your teaching me to be kind even when I'm on the verge of hair pulling and ears steaming because in all likelihood you truly were being joyfully innocent and lovingly creative. Your teaching me that your YOU, and you want to own that strength and independence. You are teaching me what it's like to have a wild child. You are teaching me that everything comes with a challenge. Is there some big conspiracy that says the third child has to be the biggest challenge? I mean really your 2 so what do I expect, but I mean you are a fighter lately. Everything is a battle. Getting dressed. Washing your hands. Getting in the car. Or out of the car for that matter. You are obsessed with being chased so of course EVERYTHING IS A GAME OF CHASE. Diaper changes. Baths. Getting to the car. Pretty much anytime I ask you to do something and your not holding my hand is a chase. It's so frustrating and scary and embarassing. But you love it despite what Mom thinks and I know to you its a game and I know because of that big old grin on your face every stinkin time!

But even with all the battles of being two you are still irresistible. You have a BIG personality. A WIDE vocabulary; and yes your favorites are poop and butt (fortunately we are over the [private part name] stage the day you learned you didn't have the boy one it became your favorite word to use in front of strangers, remember when you told our neighbor "Mom has a ..." yeah well I'm not sure those neighbors will ever think we are normal). But my favorites are when you randomly are at the store and start going by each aisle saying "inter-esting" or "in-credable". And your curls and smile and welcoming, friendly "hi" invite conversations from a wide variety of people we have long talks while checking out at the store and long talks with people while we're waiting in line to get food, and long talks while were at the doctor. Anyone that says hi back you start a conversation with you introduce yourself, you ask them their name, you tell them who your sisters are, you tell them what we're doing, you ask what they are doing, and on and on it goes till they are out of sight. It makes for some fun and sometimes awkward conversations, "you like cats? Oh my mom hates cats. One time my dad ran over a cat...", I wont lie often I smile, laugh and cover your mouth as we leave, as if to say to this stranger "haha shes embarassing me, lets try and forget this happened". And considering your love for storytelling it's more than likely that what ever your saying it isn't true, and makes me look like a horrible mother. 


Sydney your SO full of life and light! You love to help. You love babies and dolls. You love to tell people "I have crazy hair". You love to poke eyes, yours and other peoples. You love belly buttons.  You love "ruffys"=dogs and all animals from afar, and are scared to death up close. You want mom close always, and dad makes a good second. You love to suck your thumb. You love back and belly scratches. You love brushing your teeth. And you love ... well this list could be endless because you are you and you have a big list of ever growing loves. My favorite of your loves is your love to laugh and tease and make up stories all in the efforts to bring a smile or laugh to others. You and your sister, Piper, especially have a truly special bond. You are the most caring and patient sister there is! You LITERALLY NEVER get mad at your sister. She will pinch, pull, grab, slap, fall, or bang on you all day and you 100% LOVE IT! You laugh and smile and stare at her and kiss her and hug her and squeeze her and cuddle with her and play with her and you just make me melt! You two are destined for a great friendship. Which I caught glimpses of early on when you whispered "your my best friend" in her ear when she was just days old. But I never imagined coming up on a year later you'd be just as much smitten with her as you are now. Even when she makes a big mess all over you with your danimals because you bring it in to share with her and she totally attacks! You just say "ohhhh baby ohhhh baby" in a super deep voice as you talk to her and try to calm her down. It makes me laugh and smile the most seeing you two together! 

You do have a shy spell in you that only comes out when your in a new place or sometimes when your siblings aren't around. Especially at church. When it's just you, you get all shy and thumb goes in mouth and you grab your little shirt in the usually twirling/rubbing fashion. It always makes me snicker a little seeing you this tame and shy little thing when in reality Sydney, you have THE MOST PERSONALITY in our family!!! And we love it, crazy and all!

Love,

Mommy

Love Mommy

Dear Bella,

You just started preschool and its official you are in love. And as much joy I know it brings you, I miss you. You have an extreme love of learning. You actually tend to shout "BUT I LOVE TO LEARN" whenever you dont have school or whenever Mom doesn't want to do your learning activity books with you. You seriously would spend all day practicing letters, circling rhymes, and coloring the thing that starts with [insert any letter here]. And on occasion, you have. Your most beloved show is the "frog show", that's right it is LeapFrog all the way. We need to get more we are getting to know our discs a little too well. In just the last few months as Sydney's been showing off her terrible twos you've been excelling in your almost five maturity. And I'm eating it up. You still show a little sass here and there but for the most part you are the easiest right now. I feel like each of you swap roles in easiest child role every couple months and right now it's totally you. You are happy and obedient and empathetic and owning the role of babysitter whenever mom is doing the dishes or taking a shower, you do a great job watching your sisters for a few minutes and do a great job telling me if they are getting into trouble.

You are learning and growing way too fast I want to squeeze you tight and never let you go. Sometimes you strike a pose and I can see that little teen you in a few years peeking through,  especially when you complain about how you need new clothes and shout "FASHION" everytime you get something new so that you can strut it on the hallway runway. Oh boy I'm not ready. Your already into nails and want so badly to do makeup like mom. I've actually been trying to convince you to get your ears pierced but daddy always tells you it's like a shot in both ears which of course your scared to death of so I guess we will be waiting a few more years, I hear 8 is perfect because your ears are almost matured in terms of growth... Whatever that means. But I know when you do get them you'll be so in love! You always want necklaces and bows in your hair for church, but maybe that's just cause you hate mom pulling it up.

You are enjoying playing with your sisters more and more lately, you do get a bit bossy (it tends to happen when your the oldest of the bunch). But lately you and Sydney spend a good hour here and there in a corner giggling and playing like best friends. Lately it has been the basement steps. And as always your favorite games are either restaurant or baby. You also love to plant kisses on Piper's bald little head and give it a little rub, you try and hold her more and more lately which she is proving to be a little too old for now. So it is getting a little forced and I have to utter, "too much" to remind you that Piper is done and wants to roam free.

Bella you are also our biggest bug lover (except "bee type") and animal lover (squirrels and cats and birds and rabbits are your favorites lately). I love your care for tiny little worms or lady bugs and your watchful eye for birds ("what's it called?"). You have such a big heart and you want to help everyone so much. I seriously LOVE how much she wants to help around the house;  Mostly I have to ask her to help but she is almost always willing and eager (picking up, making her bed, wiping down the bathroom) and other things she is over eager and I never have to ask because she does them without me knowing half the time (sweeping, unloading the dishwasher, cleaning her own mess up, getting dressed).

It is also funny to see your personality shine through more and more, you still love to be dependent if you can and have things done for you here and there if someone is around. You get in that mood more and more when you are sick or tired, even if it is something so simple. You are still miss girly girl, the biggest fan of PINK there is and as anti-Pink as I am I let you win most of the time and wear ALL PINK or get mostly everything PINK. You love sparkles and glitter and ruffles and stars and hearts and everything deemed girl!

You are a snuggly, cuddly and back scratching and back/tummy/feet scratch wanting girl. Which probably makes Daddy the happiest man ever, you two have been bonding lately and you love your Daddy time. Whether it is special trips with just you and Dad to get groceries or ice cream, or telling Daddy a long story with lots of animated gestures and voices. Daddy and I are loving watching you bloom with each new year and each new stage of life. It is hard to believe next year is all day Kindergarten. And yet I can't think of anything that would make you happier; learning, friends, playing, new clothes, and going to school just like Big Brother. How exciting it will all be!

Love,

Mommy

Love Mommy

Dear Connor,

You are a big brother for the third time, and to a third sister. I know another sister was probably not your first choice but your excitement and love for little Piper has shown me that you would have it no other way. You have told me though, that "Piper is great but next time lets make it a boy" ;) And who knows maybe one day you'll get that little brother. But for now you are honing those protective brothering skills for your sisters to perfection. 

I must say this year I am more proud of you than I have ever been before. You are coming up on 6, and completing your first year of school (80% of the time you are itching to leave in the morning to get to school and are bursting with things to tell me each day). You have been challenged with friends and academics and adapting to a new home transitioning to a new school and welcoming a new baby to the family. It has been a lot. Unfortunately for you, you are our first (I know how it is buddy!). As special and exciting as it is for us and you as you move from one stage to the next, you will have to endure the most parenting mistakes from Mom and Dad, and a heck of a lot of change as we continue to establish our family and settle into a long term home. I know it is not easy, I know it is all you know, I know you struggle with it at times, but I also know you are doing great. Your Dad and I couldn't be happier with having our Connor lead the path for your sisters, you have an enthusiasm for trying something new that is not easily found but greatly recognized and envied. I know it is hard when that new thing doesn't come easy, you're hard on yourself and it breaks me to see you beat yourself up about it (sometimes literally). I wish you could see what we see. 

I can say that you are the most obedient and mature as ever (now if your around other people that is totally reversed). When it is just us, or just your sisters and you playing outside, you remember what Mom says and are quick to help remind your sisters the rules. Lately Daddy has been working lots and I know you have missed him but I'm relishing the extra lovin I'm getting from you! You seem so snuggly and cuddly and huggy and kissy right now, which I'm trying to soak all up. You even want me to snuggle up under the covers with you in bed and stroke your head as I sing you a song (which is almost always "All I Want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth"), even when I'm exhausted from a long day of this Mom life I can never resist that anxious smile as you pull up the blanket so that I'll take a little extra time at tuck in to snuggle and sing.

You are our Connor. Crime fighting, villian slaying, lego playing, video game wanting, early morninging, friend making, peanut butter/nutella loving, penny saving, all by myselfing, outdoor adventuring, homework hard working, super smiling, baby helping, super fast running; favorite boy. I couldn't feel more lucky to be your Mom.

Love,

Mommy

Love Mommy

Dear Bella,

You are a princess. Princess Peaches according to your Daddy. You are full of sass, and emotion, and a sensitive sweetness that is all your own.

I am kind of addicted to the way you tell me things just to make me feel good. Like when I decorate or reorganize something or make a really intense dinner meal, you are always quick to give thanks and excitement "Wow that was a whole lot of work Mom, I'm really proud of you." Your kind words make me smile and I hope you  carry them with you forever.

Of course you are unmistakably four and struggle with that miss bossy attitude that we are not all together fond of. You hate to be bossed around but love to act the boss, even to Mom and Dad, which we find far from charming. 

You love the center of attention, which I would have never guessed just a couple years ago, when you'd hide from strangers. But now you delight at any sort of attention thrown your way and relish in it. One second you're smacking your sister mischievously on the back of the head to annoy her and to feed your boredom. Then you notice a couple glances your way from a few passerbyers and you turn into the adoring sister hugging and kissing Sydney, fully conscious of the "awwing" your inspiring. I can't help but roll my eyes, oh boy. You love to act the angel. And at times, I wont lie, you truly are. But you are also four and teasing brother by mimicking his every word and laughing just to drive him crazy or even until Sydney is shouting "STOP", makes you just as happy as the sweet angel you can be.

You have a new baby sister and I know it's a little different but your relishing in your new role and loving every second with Piper. I'm so impressed. You definitely aren't as jealous of Connor going to school lately because you get to stay with Piper at home, which is a nice bonus. Connor starting school has been a little hard because we know how much you love to learn and have an interest in books and letters. Connor is far from interested and struggles some being motivated to do homework or reading practice so I think it kills you a little not getting to participate, fortunately it won't be much longer you'll have to wait (I'm hoping you'll get into preschool). 

I wonder what time will bring you. For now I am in hopes that it keeps bringing you a love for family and friends, a joy for learning, and a grateful heart that inspires happiness in all you do. You are little and your smile is rarely far from your face, and yes your arms tend to be crossed across your chest in an act of defiance far more than either of us would like to admit but it never takes long for that smile to creep back across, even if it is only in attempts to gain back what you lost. Stay my hand holding, twirling ballerina princess, forever; okay!


Love,

Mommy

Love Mommy

Dear Sydney, 

I just woke to you calling "Mommy mommy please help me!" It was a little early so I tried to snuggle you in bed. But you'd have none of that. You just kept telling me "Mommy hungry". So finally I decided the fight was over, my battle for sleep was lost. You won. And Bella was only too pleased she had been awake as well. Your Mommy calls had woken her. Breakfast was had and you then decided nothing was more wanted then those Mommy snuggles, followed by a good old thumb sucking, little bear watching, and blankie holding. 

Our mornings may change very soon, with the introduction of your new baby sister, Piper. It won't be long now that she will be born and change your world all together. Your insistent love of babies and dolls and mothering, give me hope that this transition will be smooth. Hope that you'll love your sister, play together earnestly, and be the best of friends. Hope that you'll treat baby Piper with the same love and care you treat your dolls.  

Sometimes the best thing about being a Mom is just watching you play. Like the other day while watching you stock your purse, stack your stroller and get all dolled up for a "trip", while saying "sorry babies" every time one dropped or you bumped into something with your stroller was about the sweetest most heart melting moment there is. I wish I thought to video it. And I love how I had to push Bella to play with dolls and I turn around to find you being a little momma all the time, and getting your sister into it too while you are at. Your imagination is vast for your age and your speech development is soaring. You continuously impress me and everyone around you. Except in nursery where you are a scared mouse, sucking your thumb clinging to the closest parent; yep we Daddy or I still have to coax you into going and staying, and sometimes you always coax us into not letting you be alone. But hey you are too cute to deny.

Your energy lately has been exhausting with a voice alarmingly louder than a one year old should be capable of, and you've been clinging to me every second of every day. Your making Daddy very jealous. And your sense of adventure and danger and trouble seem to have excelled all of a sudden. It drives me crazy; and then just when I think things have been too quiet for too long and I start to kick myself for going to the bathroom right then, I open the door to find you standing there, all dolled up. And yes it is in sisters stolen things and it means you got into the upstairs bathroom, but I mean WOW could you be any more adorable.

You have a strong and unique and irresistible attitude that drives your emerging personality. I hope that never changes. No matter how much the world tells you too. I am so ready for you to be a big sister and I think you will make one terrific one. I think you'll thrive in this new found role. I think you'll love it. I think, but I don't know. 

(34 Wks)
"WOW"-Sydney

Do you know what's coming? Do you know my arms will soon be occupied by a bundle much smaller than you? Do you know I'll be shushing and whispering soon, to keep that bundle sleeping? Do you know your sister will be here soon? Do you know overnight you'll be a big sister, and I'll be craving for your help, obedience, and gentle care? Do you know? I'm suspecting it will be quite a surprise, a whirlwind of change. Excitingly alarming. But we will all figure it out together. And maybe I'm just being optimistic but I have a feeling you may be perfectly happy (as long as you get lots of attention too). 

Love, 

Mommy

Love Mommy

Dear Piper,

20 wks

I don't know you yet, and yet I do. I know you are our most active, pre-birth, yet. I know you bring me security and reassurance with those kicks. I know you are our third girl and having two sisters will be the biggest blessing and challenge of your life. I know you have many arms waiting to hold you, and help take care of you. I know you are safe and healthy. I know you are growing big and strong, but not too big. I know soon life will change for you quickly and it will be scary, but I will be there. I know you will recognize Daddy's voice and I know he wants you to be a snuggler so indulge him. I know you are going to be happy, because you have a lot of people ready to make sure you are. I know you are loved, and each day we wait our anticipation grows.

I'll be honest originally I thought we were in for a boy, but it didn't take much getting used to, (well it took Connor a little time), another girl. I see little girls everywhere I look and think "Wow, I am lucky." I think of you with your sisters one day, three little girls all dressed up on Sunday doing their best to catch Daddy's attention, I think of your sisters and all the crazy antics they get into and I think of the hair, dolls, and tea times. And my heart flutters and I get butterflies knowing that I am one lucky woman to be a Mother to another little girl.

Your arrival is fast approaching, I am officially 9 months pregnant with you. My body is stretched and tired and aches and yearns for your soon to be birth. And the fact that you could join our family any day now, occupies much of my thoughts. Even though you are our fourth little baby and I have been busy; every month, week, and even day seem to pass so slowly by. We are anxious for you; to have you settled in our home, to have your skin to kiss, and even to have your sweet cries to remind us we are blessed. 

37 wks

Your brother and sister pray for your arrival each and every night to say they are excited is an understatement. They love feeling you kick. They are a little scared of Mom's belly popping to let you out, but despite that they can't wait. Especially Connor. They talk about you daily, what you'll look like, what they will do with you, where they will be when you come, when they will get to see you, where will you sleep. We talk lots and lots about being soft and gentle with you and about holding you and kissing you and singing to you and watching you sleep and about knowing that all your little and big cries are how you tell us what you need. I think they are ready. Are you?

There isn't much waiting time left, so for now we will do our best to keep busy and try hard to make the next couple weeks pass quickly while we wait, to meet our baby Piper Scarlet. How deeply I have fallen in love with you already, you'll never know.

Love,

Mommy

Love Mommy

14 Mons

Dear Sydney,

You are still so small and your life has just begun. You seem to be eager for adventure and your energy makes me wonder if one day you'll revile your brother. You yearn for independence and as I catch up and adapt to your new discoveries it is only too soon that you have discovered something else. At times I feel frustrated and exhausted, constantly being out thought by a 15 month old; but your constant smile and wondering eyes make me so happy, despite the panic or mischief you've caused. I am not going to lie the constant thumb sucking makes me worry that we are going down a frustrating and habitual path. But it brings you so much comfort and you look so innocent with tear filled eyes and a blanket nearby to rub your face with, I can't commit to pulling it out. All I can do right now is cross my fingers and hope beyond hope that your thumbs comfort is replaced, even now it seems as if it is gradually phasing out (or maybe its just my false hope).

15 Mons

One day I'll miss the days you pulled on my leg as I cooked dinner, waiting and waiting to be held only for me to turn around ready to appease you to find you've fallen asleep on the kitchen rug. A heap of tears turned to a peaceful slumber. I'll miss finding you hiding in kitchen cabinets and banging on pots and pans. But for now I'll try to ignore my lack of patience that begs me to pull at my hair and shut myself in a locked closet for a moments peace and I'll appreciate your innocence and joy in just simple things like the dancing sunlight on the carpet.

I am seriously at a loss with how fast time has gown by. To think you are my baby and yet you are now well on your way to a year and a half, wasn't it only moments ago I was holding you welcoming you to the world. You were tiny and calm, with soft slight movements, and newborn cries. Now you move much to quick for your own good, and your cries are not now primarily determined by needs but by a fistful of undetermined emotions.

15 Mons

I will be the first to admit that hearing you say "ma ma ma" is the sweetest thing ever, even if it means everything from Mom to your wanting. I love giving you the comfort of my arms and you snuggling your head in to rest or regain strength for round two makes all the whining that comes in between worth it. It is true that you are becoming quite the talker and "mama" isn't all we hear. You love babbling more and more as you grow and with a willing companion you will go at it. And your language is truly growing as you mimic us daily grasping for understanding. I think your most favorite loved word in the world is "dada" and nothing has real meaning more than that. Whether Daddy is coming or going or playing or lounging she is always anxious to be at his side often seeking him for comfort even over Mommy, sometimes. It sure brings Daddy the biggest smiles to see he has a Daddy's girl blooming.

15 Mons

Just recently your brother and sister have realized that not only does your independence mean you can play and chase, but it also means you serve as a new source of dodging blame. Which you are not always innocent of. But for the most part everyone loves attempting tricks on Mom, too bad they don't get away with as many of them as they'd like. I know you don't mind too much, you just love being in on the action, determined to catch up to your big sister and especially big brother. Sometimes you lay your head down beside sister when she is upset as if to console her. It is about the most heart melting thing you do and I can't help but love watching you two exchange kisses. I can see this sisterhood between you two already, you look to her like you do no one else. And although Bella totters on the verge of jealousy and adoration for you, her love for you is constant and I know that it grows as you grow. Connor's imagination is vast and he loves to include you in it. Whether you are the lost child or the lava monster or baby crocodile or princess you take part even now in his games, he is determined to make you a playmate and I see him in you now. Your independence and love for discovery makes it seem as if your imagination will be filled with endless possibilities one day, just as your brother's is now. And yet you have this piece of your sister, your brave little love for going solo. Hiding in the kitchen or sneaking to your room or even finding a quiet place to just curl up sweetly snore.


Love,

Mommy

14 Mons

Love Mommy

Dear Connor,

You are getting closer and closer to your fifth birthday and as each day passes I see you getting older faster then I have ever spotted in the past. I turn around and catch myself overwhelmed (emotionally) with how grown up you look. Your becoming you, more each day, which sounds weird, I know. But what I mean to say is that your outgrowing the toddler ways of the egocentric life and are becoming the little person you are meant to be. You are so aware of others feelings and actions. You perceive more than most adults and the things you say some days shock me with how purely and simply wise they are and your only four! 

You are at this amazing age where you truly amaze us with how quickly you learn new things and how obedient you are (*most days*). You are still filled with that endless energy but you commonly think of your own solutions to your boredom. One of my most favorite things in the whole world about our one and only Connor is your expressions. Everyone who knows our Connor knows how filled with expressions you are. You LOVE life! You love the ups and downs, the discovery, the mystery, the new things and old things, the here and now, and the there and then, and everything in between. I wish everyone had the energy and passion you do for everything. It is contagious and hilarious, and undeniably you!

I must say lately you have been really impressing me with how well you are with "changing plans"; for instance, the "we're watching a movie tonight with popcorn and candy" switches to "early bedtime". Bella always ends up in a mess of tantrums when plans change and you; even though I can see it on your face are heartbroken, you adapt. You focus on the good and even try and cheer your sister up most times. I must say this is something I think is well beyond your age, and I am eternally grateful for! 

I wish I could express to you how happy life is lately with you. You are happy 90% of the time. Yes, you still struggle with taking turns and doing things someone else's way; but we are working on that :) And you are doing better all the time. Lately, we are getting ready for KINDERGARTEN! I am all smiles and excitement when talking about your new school with you; but inside I am filled with knots and tears. I am looking things up online everyday to prepare you, or me. It's hard. I worry all the time and think of new worries everyday. I know I need to relax but let me tell you relaxing when your first baby is preparing for the biggest day of his life, aka the beginning of his 13+ years as a student in school, is like trying to sleep during a tornado. And don't get me wrong I know you are going to do amazing, I really do. But I want to give you the best start, I want to make sure you face things now before they hit at school, I want to give you lots of practice, since we missed out on preschool this year (mom fail). You are a great little student at home as we do our own little abc and 123 schooling to get ready, and at church your getting better and better. You do have a class full of girls in CTR 4 so yes you definitely play the boy card when you get the chance, but I notice your efforts and your struggles. And I know you try! So very, very hard. And that is all I will ever ask of you in life. Trying despite how hard it is. And because of this simple fact I know you are going to do GREAT in kindergarten, because not only are you smart, and outgoing, and kind; you always TRY!!!

Connor I love you. I  love you for all the things that make up my Connor. And I hope that you never forget that I see you. I am your Mommy. I am going to do my absolute best I can to be aware of your world. Because I hope to see your struggles before they become greater and I hope to see your efforts before you have to point them out. I feel like I am doing pretty good so far, because lets be honest your around me 24/7. But come Fall this job is going to get a whole lot harder. But my number one goal as Connor's Mom is to see you, always. And for you to have the confidence that I always have your back no matter what. Because guess what buddy, I do!

Love,

Mommy ❤

Love Mommy

Dear Connor,

All my years as a child as I wished to be a Mama I imagined a life of dolls and dress up, of nails and hair, of dancing and prancing. I never imagined my life as a boys Mama. I never imagined the sticky fingers and floors, the bumps and bruises, the knocked out teeth, the peed on floors or the messy bliss that it all could be. I'm a boy's mama. I whisper, I roar, I play, I battle, I tackle, I hold, I laugh, I cry, I learn, I try; but above all I LOVE. You are my happy place. You have this look you give me every now and then, sometimes it is
followed by a reverent "I love you" and time stands still for a moment and among all the strife that may be blinding me I remember how lucky I am. I wish I could be calm and live in the moments of stillness all the time, but that would just not be fun. Not truly,because we would miss out on your extraordinary imagination, your pure 4 yr old boy energy, and your extreme intensity for life. I am so grateful for YOU. You define me as a mother in a way I cannot describe but only feel, you teach me daily even when I do not want to be taught. I know how pure your little heart is. I hope I can open my heart to you more and more so that I can be all that you need me to be as a mother. "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye." (Antoine de Saint-Exupery, The Little Prince)

Love,

Mommy

My Bella

Dear Bella,

Our lives are especially crazy lately, and if anyone needs a routine it is you. With so much going on and no real schedules you've had the hardest time adjusting. But as long as your given lots of attention then a smile fills your face.

Lately you've been really into singing songs, whether it is "itsy bitsy spider" or made up songs "rainbow" and "car-a-wat", I love hearing your voice as you sing high and low and dance in the spotlight. Daddy likes to joke that you are my shopper and I must admit he is right, I love going shopping with you and hearing your "I like this" to everything that sparkles. Fortunately, you don't get too heart broken when we can't buy your "I want's", well unless it is a baby doll then we hear your broken heart loud and clear. 

You need snuggles to fall asleep and your thumb is your very bestest friend. I have to remind myself that cuddles with you are often forgotten after cries and bottles for your sister are attended to, but often that is when you need them the most. I've caught you on a couple occasions whispering to your sister "She's my mommy too." I know going from the youngest to the middle child can't be easy or much fun, but although you sure show your dramatics more often, you never direct anything but love to your baby sister. I notice your frustration as you step onto the verge of independence, and it must seem in some respects as if you were pushed there. You, it seems, would have happily played hand in hand with Mommy all your life and sometimes you still do. Wanting to be the closest to Mommy and getting pouty lips when little Sydney has beaten you to it. Life is hard and being 2 is all the harder as you figure out the whys and struggle with the nos.

Before long you will be three and I am already amazed at our little smarty. You love books, and letters (and know most of them), you like to count and pick out colors. Your love for learning is evident, as you gaze with wide eyes when your being taught something new. I hope you continue on that path and the world will be yours to explore. What a wonderful world we have and how blessed we are that we get to help you as you discover it. I am so proud of you Bella your soft nature of loving all those around you still lingers as you gain confidence and assurance of your capabilities. Sometimes I wish I could hold you tight and stop time, I know the little things that drive me crazy now, I will miss years from now and I wish for nothing more then the patience to remember that you are little and will be for such a short time. Stay little, little Bell.

Love,

Mommy

Dear Baby

Dear Baby Sydney,

It is only weeks before we get to meet you, so soon it seems and yet so far. Every week seems a milestone closer to seeing your little face. And hearing your first cries. I love hearing your name in our home, and having your big brother, Connor, say it. He is so sweet and can't wait to meet you. He has just recently gotten the concept that he to was a baby when he was small. He loves telling everyone that he was a baby too! Bella loves babies, her face just lights up when she sees one. I can't wait to have you in our home, to brighten the faces of Connor and Bella all the time, not to mention the faces of Mommy and Daddy too. Daddy wants you to come right now! He is more impatient than me this time :) It makes me laugh hearing him talk about you and what we imagine you will look like. Brown or Blonde Hair? Blue or Brown Eyes, or Maybe Green like your Brother's?

We are still finishing prepping your room/Mommy and Daddy's room. But we have made a lot of progress and it makes me feel good having things in place for you. I have a few friends that are due with little babies around the same time as me, although it seems they are all before me by a month or a couple weeks. It is hard seeing them getting so close, and having their babies and holding them in their arms. I can't help but be so anxious for your arrival. But I know you are preparing to come too, and growing healthy and strong so that you can breath deep and show off your nice strong lungs.

I went through boxes of old babies last month and seeing all the tiny outfits, and remembering your big brother and sister in many of them made me miss those days. They pass so fast. I know it wont be long before I am doing the same for you, I just hope I can hold on a little tighter to your baby days, right from the beginning. I hope to record lots of videos of you and your brother and sister, so I don't forget all the simple things of your early days.

It is a special bond as mother and child that we hold right now. As I care for you in your most dependent state, I get to feel your little body grow and grow. There isn't much space left. You are squished, with your head down low and your lower half to my right side and your knees kicked out to my left (I think). It gets very uncomfortable when your uncomfortable and seek a new position, because there is such little room. How frustrating it must be for you. I can feel you moving around right now (with rhythmic hiccup motions - the first time I've felt you have those although I am sure it's not your first time) and know you are anxious to come and meet the world that surrounds you. It will be scary having your life change so rapidly, everything you have known will disappear within moments. But so many people love you already and are eager for your arrival. We all cannot wait to see your beautiful eyes, tiny fingers and toes, and hold you; so tiny and new. Everyone here can't wait to leave soft kisses on your soft delicate skin, so expect lots!

We often talk of you and imagine how you will fit into our home and our routine, although, I know you will make a routine all your own. It is such a comfort to know that no matter how slowly time seems to pass your cries will soon fill our home; making it all the warmer, a little more crazy, yes, but the love that comes with a newborn is indescribable it fills you completely.
How I love you Sydney.

Love,

Mommy