Love Mommy

Dear Connor,

You are getting closer and closer to your fifth birthday and as each day passes I see you getting older faster then I have ever spotted in the past. I turn around and catch myself overwhelmed (emotionally) with how grown up you look. Your becoming you, more each day, which sounds weird, I know. But what I mean to say is that your outgrowing the toddler ways of the egocentric life and are becoming the little person you are meant to be. You are so aware of others feelings and actions. You perceive more than most adults and the things you say some days shock me with how purely and simply wise they are and your only four! 

You are at this amazing age where you truly amaze us with how quickly you learn new things and how obedient you are (*most days*). You are still filled with that endless energy but you commonly think of your own solutions to your boredom. One of my most favorite things in the whole world about our one and only Connor is your expressions. Everyone who knows our Connor knows how filled with expressions you are. You LOVE life! You love the ups and downs, the discovery, the mystery, the new things and old things, the here and now, and the there and then, and everything in between. I wish everyone had the energy and passion you do for everything. It is contagious and hilarious, and undeniably you!

I must say lately you have been really impressing me with how well you are with "changing plans"; for instance, the "we're watching a movie tonight with popcorn and candy" switches to "early bedtime". Bella always ends up in a mess of tantrums when plans change and you; even though I can see it on your face are heartbroken, you adapt. You focus on the good and even try and cheer your sister up most times. I must say this is something I think is well beyond your age, and I am eternally grateful for! 

I wish I could express to you how happy life is lately with you. You are happy 90% of the time. Yes, you still struggle with taking turns and doing things someone else's way; but we are working on that :) And you are doing better all the time. Lately, we are getting ready for KINDERGARTEN! I am all smiles and excitement when talking about your new school with you; but inside I am filled with knots and tears. I am looking things up online everyday to prepare you, or me. It's hard. I worry all the time and think of new worries everyday. I know I need to relax but let me tell you relaxing when your first baby is preparing for the biggest day of his life, aka the beginning of his 13+ years as a student in school, is like trying to sleep during a tornado. And don't get me wrong I know you are going to do amazing, I really do. But I want to give you the best start, I want to make sure you face things now before they hit at school, I want to give you lots of practice, since we missed out on preschool this year (mom fail). You are a great little student at home as we do our own little abc and 123 schooling to get ready, and at church your getting better and better. You do have a class full of girls in CTR 4 so yes you definitely play the boy card when you get the chance, but I notice your efforts and your struggles. And I know you try! So very, very hard. And that is all I will ever ask of you in life. Trying despite how hard it is. And because of this simple fact I know you are going to do GREAT in kindergarten, because not only are you smart, and outgoing, and kind; you always TRY!!!

Connor I love you. I  love you for all the things that make up my Connor. And I hope that you never forget that I see you. I am your Mommy. I am going to do my absolute best I can to be aware of your world. Because I hope to see your struggles before they become greater and I hope to see your efforts before you have to point them out. I feel like I am doing pretty good so far, because lets be honest your around me 24/7. But come Fall this job is going to get a whole lot harder. But my number one goal as Connor's Mom is to see you, always. And for you to have the confidence that I always have your back no matter what. Because guess what buddy, I do!

Love,

Mommy ❤