Friday, April 11, 2014

Love Mommy

Dear Connor,

Time goes by quickly. I can see my little baby, our first born in your eyes and as you sleep; but your outgoing, boisterous personality beams through when you wake depicting this strong, independent child. You yearn for activity and action constantly. To be honest I have trouble keeping up, being so pregnant lately leaves Mom as a pretty sad playmate. I watch you play with sister, and use your imagination to dream up games filled with war cries and laughter. Bella can be temperamental and isn't always in the mood to play, but you have been so good at letting her have her space and filling her with instant giggles at the first moment possible, you two can be pretty silly together and I love it.

I cannot believe how unbelievably sweet you are at times to take my face in your hands and whisper "I love you's". You love to ask both Daddy and I, "Did you miss me?" You need affection and constant encouragement and I love how quickly you respond to a little attention. You wear your emotions for everyone to see; at home, at school, or when we're out. It could be that angry grimace you get when you are mad or that enthusiasm that lights up your eyes and jumps right through your entire body making you beam. I love that I don't have to guess what you are thinking you say your mind and never hold back.

Time tends to be a frustrating and incomprehensible concept at this age, and I hate that things can't always go your way. Even as an adult I struggle with wanting my way. I don't blame you for wanting. I know it is hard too, wanting things instantly, I wish the world worked like that sometimes. But this new found growth in patience has made me extremely proud. It is it a skill you not always carry but one that I am happy I can see you working on daily, not always willingly but just a little obedience at this age makes me smile. I can see your learning and I love it, I love you. As you walk next to Mom or Dad you never complain about holding our hands to cross the street, and your so careful to not run too far. Your so good about asking me "Can I..." when playing or watching or eating. You even like to remind Bella or help teach Bella too.

The first day you came into my life you made our family three, you made me a mother, and you acted as proof that love can take years or only moments. I fell in love with you sweet boy.  I continue to fall in love with you and your young heart, a heart that seeks acceptance and love continually. Oh how your heart broke when your best friend wouldn't hold your hand at school one day. And if Daddy leaves before you get a chance to give him kisses and hugs. And when someone is mean to your little sister. It amazes me how defensive you get, and how taken you are with your role as big brother. I know that you will share that same protective love with your new sister, and that you will care and love her just as strongly as you do Bella. But I hope you and Bella, since you're so close in age, get to share and be close as buddies loving and confiding in one another like no other two siblings. I love that you two snuggle and I know before long snuggles with Mom, Dad, or Sister are going to be slim. But I how the sweet photos I get to take of you now will help me hold on to this stage forever.

I love that with each new baby I think of you, my first.

Love,

Mommy

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