Love Mommy

Bell,

You are getting to be such a little lady. And it scares me to death! Every now and then I get a glimpse of you in ten years and it totally makes me crazy. The way you toss your hair or put your hand on your hip, your bossy little-tude that drives Con especially a little crazy! Your smarty smirk when you do something just right. Your manipulative daring eyes that are just constantly testing us to see if things work out just the way you have planned. It drives even me a little insane sometimes and makes me fear for that ten years down the road; when it all will be too real and then the finger on my lips and the point to bed or the clip moving down wont solve the meltdowns or fighting. But in the very same moment when your absolutely sassy your tender heart will break and I'll again realize how little and simple all these moments are and how even though they may drive me nuts within seconds they will be gone in just a few years and I know it wont be long before I am yearning for them all over again!

So let me never forget how much you beam when you are praised or how quietly you seek attention but don't outwardly ask. It is always a balancing act with 4 kids and if I'm not watching you closely I'll sometimes miss it. And when I find you huddled in a corner or playing alone, I know you wanted a little but didn't have the heart to ask. Fortunately, it just takes a second to wrap you in my arms and ask you about your day, for you to get a big grin and burst with all the tellings you have of the day. The details, the wants and the wishes, the hurts that you felt and the longings; it all spills out and some I can't even catch. But I love that your heart is so big and that your heart is so big; your teacher tells me you do the same to her and when you get to school you tell her E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G! She warned me in fact to be careful because you, MISS BELLA tell it all! Ha! Can't say I am surprised. I love how you want and need to tell, tell, tell. And I can't wait to hear it all and if anything I hope you'll always tell me it all. Never stop babe! I will always be here, never keep it in. Just Spill!

One of my all time favorite things about you is your ever growing love for learning. You are a natural and as silly as that sounds it truly is true. You just get it. You learn something once and latch instantly, your driven to know more and feel frustrated when someone is ahead. I hope you can keep that in check and remember always how proud we are of you and how smart we know you are. You come home and do your homework in minutes and then sometimes even ask to do a workbook just because it is fun! Loving learning is contagious and you are an amazing example to your siblings even Connor does a little better everyday just to keep up with you. And when you think it is fun it is hard for everybody else to see any different. What a blessing you are to me and your Daddy and your siblings. I can't wait to see where that big brain takes you someday! My Mom was just like that and I must say I felt so immensely blessed to have that in my home, leading us and guiding us and pushing us in all the right ways. I know what a blessing that will be in your own family one day too. 

I think it wasn't until your Kindergarten teacher told me in a conference how empathetic you are, I truly realized how true that is. She said one day it was Club Day and you were so excited and a couple people in class hadn't done well that day and couldn't go. You were so upset and mad about that, that well you refused to go. You were so worried about them and just didn't think it was fair. And you told your teacher she was being MEAN! She said it was the principals decision and you replied with "Well we have a MEAN principal". Satisfied that it wasn't your beloved teacher that had done this you moved on but your teacher found it so endearing that you just couldn't have fun when someone else was left out. She laughed as she told us this and all through the conference she just bragged about how awesome you are and how you have so many friends and are nice to everyone and want everyone to be happy and are always the first to see what is wrong when someone is upset. You hate to see others in pain you are just kind of amazing and are so empathetic it makes me so proud. And it doesn't stop at school I can see that in all you do at home, at church, at play. You are always wanting to help put babies to bed, and help with dinner and tell me how you liked it to make me happy. One day you even told Daddy to not make your cheese sandwich with mayo because you don't like it, but then you turned around the next day to tell me you just told Dad that because he doesn't like it and you wanted him not to have to touch it. My heart melts with all you do and say. I love you so much!

Your all time favorite thing to do is have one on one time with Dad or Mom or really anyone bigger and older. You thrive off independent time. Lately you have been into Daddy time and when he gets home you ask him to watch you do basketball drills just to have some of that time. Sometimes I have to remind Dad how important it is to you and he always does his best to take you out on the errands or give you that 10 extra minutes at bedtime to babble away about your day. I know how important that story time is at the end of the night because it is just me and you, and you hate having someone come listen too. I try my best to show you how nice it is to share that time but also I completely realize that for you that time, just us, is really special to you; I hope you'll never let me forget it!

You are very in tune with your emotions and you wear them right where everyone can see and usually voice exactly what they are. Some may call that moody but I try to see it as a gift. There is no hiding it and you don't keep it in, it is just simply there and you usually voice it, "I'm angry. I'm jealous. You made me sad. She is frustrating me." I love that, but at the same time at the drop of a hat they can change. I hate that. It is exhausting, especially when one second your elated and the next second your slamming the door. I wish I could keep you happy always but trying to keep a 7 year old happy, always, is quite a feat. Sometimes I wish you voiced your want for attention as much as you did all your ever-changing emotions but that just wouldn't make you, you!

Some days I am left hoping you'll grow out of the erratic moods and emotional struggles but I am thinking this may just be the beginning of a life of girls. I hope that despite all that craziness emotionally as you grow, you never change and always want and need me as much as you do now. 

Love,

Mommy