It is now months down the line and it is hard for me to write this and announce it on here, because my heart is still so fearful. But as days, weeks, and months pass; we realize more and more that this baby is a promise of hope.
We found out in November we were pregnant yet again. I bawled.
I was so scared to have my hopes and our hearts crushed.
I told myself this was it, if we had another loss.
We were done.
And yet I knew I wanted this baby so bad I couldn't stop.
Fortunately, after weekly appts, and ultrasounds and positive results each and every time; I let my heart start to hope just a little. According to LMP my due date was July 24th but my Midwife put my date July 28th to give me a little extra time considering I had had a failed induction and told her I wouldn't be doing an induction again.
We planned on telling the kids at Christmas, having them open a present with baby's picture inside. But I got cold feet and we waited a couple extra weeks till we heard Baby's heartbeat again. They were so excited and as excited as I was, my heart screamed with fear that all our dreams could be crushed in any moment.
Finally at a 12 (almost 13) week genetic screening I finally started to get excited, because the results were perfect and this specialist was telling us to relax. It felt so good for a specialist to tell us that and after a little research beforehand I decided to throw out the "Can you see gender yet?" (some drs will make a firm guess, which is almost always right).
Fortunately for us our Dr was very confident and said ...
BABY IS A
BOY!
We were both ELATED! Shea was so excited we decided to throw together a gender reveal with the kids and then Shea worked hard on making it into a little movie for the families to see.
Connor Guessed = Boy!
Connor was ECSTATIC!
He jumped, he laughed out loud, he stifled screams of joy (as not to spoil the surprise for his sisters).
Completely GIDDY!
Bella Guessed = Boy!
Bella was SHOCKED!
She had guessed right but we think she had wanted a girl or thought it just would be with the track record, all in all she was happy but still in shock.
Sydney Guessed = Girl!
Sydney was in disbelief.
She really wanted a girl and didn't believe us and has told us on multiple occasions that we don't really know till baby comes out, so she is still holding out hope!
Fortunately the chocolate helped stifle her disappointment.
Piper Guessed = (Boy) Girl
Piper was ambivalent.
She was so excited to see baby's picture and was just happy baby was coming!
Seeing the kids excitement (except Syd) yet again was so overwhelming and for the first time I was starting to relish in the joy instead of focusing on the fear. I knew this pregnancy, even if it ended in that baby we were dreaming of, was going to be filled with emotional guarding at least until I could feel him constantly.
But the kids make it so much easier to focus on the promise of hope coming ...
JULY 2019
